21 Oct 2016

I'M TIRED of forced positivity

Right, I've decided that I'm gonna start a blog series.

It will be called 'I'm tired' and it will basically be me having a good ol' rant about things that I'm sick of at the time. Airing my frustrations if you will.

I'm hoping that it will spark some controversy. I love a heated debate, so come at me.

I'm only kidding. I despise confrontation and I cry at the smallest criticism (it's something I'm working on) so don't be an arse. I would however, like to know your honest thoughts on the topic. It's interesting hearing about things from another persons viewpoint, y'know?

Today I'm tired of people/brands/ even bloggers trying to force positivity on the unsuspecting public, on me: a self-confessed realist, borderline pessimist who suffers from bouts of not depression (luckily for me, it's never evolved into anything that severe) but extreme low moods.

Everywhere I look these days I'm confronted with advertising campaigns, blogs and articles telling me to be positive. Their message (although spelt out in a variety of ways) is that if you think positively, then positive things will happen. That positivity is the KEY to happiness and that we all must speak in rhyme and shit rainbows, or something like that.

Can I call bullshit?

Whilst I agree that you can achieve more if you believe in yourself and think positively; positive thinking, for a huge chunk of people, isn't a choice. They can't just emerge from bed one day and flick a switch in their brain telling them everything is going to be good - okay even. They can't see past the fog of depression surrounding them. They cannot make out that light at the end of the tunnel.

I've been there, I used to go through (and occasionally still do) bouts of severe apathy. Where I had zero motivation to do anything but curl up into a ball and stare at the wall. I didn't even want to get ready or eat. I felt mentally numb, not necessary unhappy but like I was just existing.

Acting like depression, apathy and extreme low moods are just a mindset isn't helpful. In fact, I think it's potentially very harmful. It's as bad as telling someone to cheer up when they're clearly distressed. It's dismissing their hurt and sending out the damaging message that it's not okay to well, not be okay. That if you're upset or depressed, you should just 'snap out of it' or else deal with the consequences.

I've also seen tweets and read posts stating that bloggers should keep things upbeat and happy. That they, as readers don't wish to 'hear' about the bad, only the good.

Sure, that's a choice. If you want to only read positive things then that's fine but I don't think that anyone should feel like they have to oppress their feelings to please anyone else or to fit an 'ideal'.

After all, bloggers were never meant to be an advertising tool. They became popular for being real, relatable people. For me and many other bloggers, our space on the internet is our outlet, where we can let our thoughts out, good or bad. Positive or negative.

It's important to remember that we all have to deal with crap, grief and stress at some points in our lives, there's no escaping it. We all have our off days where we think we'd have been better off staying in bed. And we should be allowed and encouraged to express those feelings, to vent. It's healthy and it helps us to move on.

Sure, we should all try to hunt out the silver lining but isn't it important to have balance? Maybe we should see how we can help those who are stuck in a rut of negativity instead of telling them to mask their true feelings.

Just a thought.
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  1. This couldn't come at a better time! I've been really struggling with my mental health lately, so it's nowhere near as easy to look on the positive side. I'm tired of people telling me it'll be ok, or look on the bright side or you know... don't give a damn what anyone thinks of you. It's pants! X


  2. I hate it when people tell me not to give a damn what anyone thinks of me. I WISH it was that easy, they clearly don't have a clue what it's like to battle with their thoughts on a daily basis.

    I hope you start feeling a bit brighter soon lovely x

  3. Completely agree with this post. I feel like if you're just plain honest about something you easily get shot down these days. I'm usually pretty pessimistic about things - I'd rather prepare for the worst than force positivity and pretend everything is rosy! Life is shit sometimes and we should be allowed to voice that without feeling bad or like 'readers' don't want to see it.

    Loving your blog by the way, hence the many comments!!

    Melissa x


  4. Awww I completely agree with this! You are entitled to feel however you want to and if you are having a bad day its your right to wallow in it. I hate this thing that we are all suppose to be positive 24/7 and not reveal any negativity either...like that's a fantasy not real life! x



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